The Fed

The Staff of 15.5


Board of Editors

laurie marhoefer (the boss)
tom bellin (managing editor)
jacqueline hidalgo
kent kleiman
anna chodos

Associate Board

mark kuba
elana schor
thomas huth
amy phillips
matt kondratowicz
ted scharff
meghan keane
erin thompson


laetia kress


ginger gentile
paul campion
anindita sinha

Art Work

stephen grant

the fed welcomes unsolicited submissions

Any misspelling, grammatical faux pas, or other ‘mistakes’ are intentional: they were left in for effect, and if that’s not obvious to you, you’re just not getting it. The Fed treats non-responses as affirmatives. We reserve the right to edit submissions for length and clarity. The opinions expressed herein are not neccesarily the views of the Fed.  The views of the Fed are as follows:

1) There’s nothing like relaxing with a full pipe of the delicious crack rock at the end of the millenium
2) If the world is really going to end, then I’m really really sorry God about all that non-kosher food I’ve been eating, and that trip I took to Six Flags on Yom Kippur was a total slip, cause I really am a good gal and I never meant any of it. Honest.
3) Do you mind if I stroke you up? I don’t mind.
4) All I want for Christmas is you, Jesus, baby. Come give momma a kisssssss.
5) If need be, you could protect yourself from Rushin by grabbin a cow and wading into the Ganges.
6) Even if I’m the only one who thinks so, that doesn’t by itself mean that I am not in fact super hot.
6) Upon reflection, puberty was cake!
7) We’re all going to graduate with Bachelor’s degrees and withered loins.
8) I should have gone to Yale.

The Fed is a forum; views expressed in individual articles are those of the author and do not necessarily speak for anyone else affiliated with the paper.
December 1, 1999